We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
