I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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