these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
