I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
