Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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