so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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