thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
