hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
