one two three fourrrrnication!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
