apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
