either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
