Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
