I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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