There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love having hate sex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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