Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
