She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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