woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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