Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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