so that wasnt chicken after all
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Randomize
