So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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