I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
