I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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