hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This baby is an asshole
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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