So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
