so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
