hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
