Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
