if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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