You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
