I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
