that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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