I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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