my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
