His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
