so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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