is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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