They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
