True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
