man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
