Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
