I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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