I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
