But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
