at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
