Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
