so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
