did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
