I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
