Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
two words...techno handjob
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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