I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
