What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
