There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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