there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
