apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
