dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
