We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
